Monday, June 20, 2011

Trusting in His Faithfulness

Years ago there was a song called "Wilderness" by the Supertones. The chorus says:

"Have you ever held in doubt what this life is all about
Have you questioned all these things that seem important to us
Do you really wanna know or are you a little scared
You’re afraid that God is not really exactly what you’d have Him be
What should I hold to and what should I do
How do I know if anything’s true
I’m somewhere in-between Canaan and Egypt a place called the wilderness"

Since this song came out (yes, already 11 years ago), the story of the nation of Israel wandering through the desert has been one of my favorites. We will get back to this in a moment... One thing that has surprised me the most is how connected my feelings about the miscarriages tie so closely with this adoption. Naively, I thought if we only were to adopt those feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, fear and grief would go away. What I didn't expect was an even harder lesson in trusting the Lord. To be honest, I am terrified of a failed adoption... I am terrified of getting pregnant again and miscarrying and losing that child too. We are expecting medical clearance as of our next Dr.'s appt on July 28th (although the next pregnancy will be closely monitored).

Right now things are so uncertain. We are waiting on a placement with a birthmother (no time table as to when)... We are waiting to be medically cleared. We are waiting to see if I still have a job come this coming school year. We are waiting on the finances to come through for our adoption. We are somewhere in-between Canaan and Egypt a place called the wilderness. My flesh fails... And like the Israelites, despite the blessings the Lord has already given us, I wonder and worry. "Will we have enough money for this adoption?" "What will happen if I lose my job?" "What happens if we have a failed adoption? "How can we get a nursery ready when I don't know when we will have a child?" "How would I be able to go through yet another miscarriage?" What is the theme here? Too much self-reliance. Psalm 78 speaks of the when the Israelities were wandering in the desert grumbling against God in the wilderness. After being lead out of Egypt where they were oppressed and in slavery they were in the wilderness.

Verse 12-16
"In the sight of their fathers he performed wonders in the Land of Egypt, in the fields of Zoan. He divided the sea and let them pass through it, and made the waters stand like a heap. In the daytime he lead them with a cloud, and all the night with a firely light.He split rocks in the wilderness and gave them drink abundantly as from the deep. He made streams come out of the rock and caused waters to flow down like rivers."

God was providing for their needs... Yet, what happened? Verses 17-20 " Yet they sinned still more again him, rebelling against the Most High in the desert... They spoke against God, saying, "Can God spread a table in the wilderness? He struck the rock so that water gushed out and streams overflowed. Can he also give bread to or provide meat for his people?" Umm, the obvious answer is yes, of course He can. He just made water out of a rock in the desert. He led them out of slavery, split the Red Sea in half so they passed safely, that is just the tip of God's faithfulness.

All that to say, no matter how much God has blessed us with this adoption, like the Israelis... I only see a part of the picture. I see the desert. I see the waiting, the uncertainty, the fear. What we are called to do is trust God even when things don't make sense. Our circumstances don't make sense. But, God does. His faithfulness does. He allows this trial so that He may be glorified. I don't know why we have to wait. Our journey of wanting children started two years ago. But, "In this I rest in this I find my refuge that my thoughts and ways are not His." And, Praise God for that!


Sunday, June 5, 2011

Garage Sale Results!!!!!

Yesterday was our first official fundraiser for our adoption. Three weeks ago Robert & I looked at each other, our calender, and then this was the only weekend opened we could have it.

~In three weeks, donations poured in from our all of our family (biological and church).
~In three weeks, we filled a two car garage (and some overflow went into our sweet friend Shannon's living room).
~ My sister brought hot dogs & water to sell, stayed to sell, and helped so much... My parents stayed two days to help sell. Our dear friend Tiffany helped clean out the garage. Our dear friend Amy came to work the garage sale. Our friends came to support. Our friends Celeste and Grace made delicious baked goods to sell (those cake pops changed my life). Robert's brother and his girlfriend helped set up, clean up & helped to sell stuff too. (If I forgot someone I'm so sorry. We appreciate all of you)!!!

Cake pops changed my life...

The result: We sold $1,709.60.

We are amazed. God has blown us away. The crazy part? We still have a few big ticket items to sell on CraigsList (a top hutch, a complete hutch, a 4 person dinning room table + chairs, and an elliptical).

There are so many lessons here that we are learning. First, God is proving that this is His adoption. His money, His timing. Secondly, we are amazed by the support. Our family is so excited and so supportive. But, our church family is equally excited and supportive. All of our family has never been more precious to us. We see the face of God through your generosity & care for us. Words are so inadequate to describe how much we love all of you. Thank you for helping us bring out baby home.

Here is where we are now. The next step is to rest a few days... :) We are going to be selling t-shirts. We will begin to work on planning some other fundraisers (hopefully not all in three weeks time). And in the fall we will have another garage sale (so keep that in the back of your mind).

As for the adoption process, we are now finishing up some of the homestudy paperwork. We still have to be interviewed, but as soon as that goes through we are ready. One of two things will happen. 1) We will be matched with a birthmother who is still pregnant. 2) We will be immediately placed with a baby who has already been born. We will let you know more as we know more. :)

We love you all so very much!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The beginning of blessings

It has been quite sometime since we posted anything. Since our last blog we have jumped with both feet first into adoption. We are almost done with our homestudy and this Friday and Saturday we will be having our first fundraiser for the adoption. May was quite the busy month.

June 6th marks the 1 year anniversary of my second miscarriage. I think of it as Faith's birthday because it was the day she was born into our Savior's arms. Is it mere symbolism that this around the same time as our garage sale for the adoption? Looking towards the adoption does help ease the pain, but it doesn't erase it. It still hurts. We also realized that the miscarriages and the adoption cannot be separated.

One other thing that we have learned (especially recently). God is at work in this. God has blessed us beyond measure with the amount of support from both biological family and church family. We are humbled daily at the out pour of love and support. Daily we are blessed with reminders of the God we serve.

Here are some examples:
~ an anonymous donor gave us $1,000 to pay for all of our Homestudy
~ we were afraid we would have very few items to sell at the garage sale...
We filled a two car garage with things for the garage sale within two weeks.
~ I prayed that we would be able to have something more at the garage sale like baked goods and two dear sisters offered to make some.
~ we prayed for big items to sell... He is still providing.
~ we prayed for littler items to sell... He provided.
~ we prayed for more clothes... The Lord provided that too.

We are learning that this is His adoption. His child, His will, His family. We are amazed by God.

So, our first step is to raise $5,000. Ways you can help:
1) Pray, pray some more.
2) Pre-order a t-shirt.
3) Come to the garage sale this Friday and Saturday.
4) Pray. :)

We love each and everyone of you,

P.S. We had a friend redesign the blog. :) She did a great job!