Friday, April 13, 2012

Are you ready for this? Not quite sure we are...

A long awaited blog post with answers... Believe it or not after nearly 2 and a half years we may have some answers...

On Monday I went in for a really super fun procedure called a saline sonogram. Ok, maybe it wasn't quite super fun. Low and behold this is what they found...

(I only have a picture for diagnostic purposes, not because I'm that weird).

Say hello to my friend "Uterine Septum". It's a huge wall of tissues that goes right down the middle of my uterus. My favorite part was when the Dr. said "Oh, that's not normal". Really? I can't count the number of times I've heard that from a Dr. regarding our fertility issues. Apparently, this is a malformation I was born with. Why didn't they discover this before? They couldn't see this while I was pregnant because the babies were blocking it. Additionally, this only shows up during a specific test that is looking for this issue. Only 7% of women have this issue so yet again it's not something that is common. The uncommon issues are common place for us. 

Septum's do not allow a lot of room for babies to grow, can cut off blood supply & nutrients, and probably a host of other things.

We also received the results from the chromosome testing and we are (drum-roll please)....... Normal. Yes, we are normal. I'd like to thank the Academy for... oh wait it's not that speech....

I will say the nurse who delivered the news to me was a little surprised too but elated to give us such good news.

What this all means is that Eve & Oliver (our last miscarriage), would not have lived regardless as  they had a fatal diagnosis. There was nothing we could do medically to save their lives. The Lord used the septum as a blessing preventing both pregnancies from developing any further.

So, what's next? Well, we are supposed to see the Reproductive Endocrinologist to discuss our options. As far as we can tell at this point, a uterine septum is correctable with surgery. So, step one is to fix my uterus. The "Great Wall" of tissue will be coming down. We will know more once we meet with the RE which may be today (I will amend this post if anything new happens).
What blows my mind is that the Lord formed me thirty some odd years ago with this septum.
Psalm 139:13-14 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." This verse does not only apply to the living but is very applicable to our children that we've lost.

God knew when He formed me that I had this wall. He knew that I would not be able to carry children as long as this wall was in me. He knew the wall was there when Peter & Faith were conceived. He knew that when He knitted Eve & Oliver allowing a fatal diagnosis that they would not live beyond their 7 and 8.5 weeks in the womb. Yet, because of all their deaths we found this septum. Because of all of their deaths, the Lord lead us to adoption. The Lord is leading us to our daughter.

Despite the pain and agony we've gone through, we can say without a doubt it glorifies Him more to have 4 more babies whose purpose was to bring Him praise in heaven. And in their deaths, He has changed me. He has given me something far greater than children, and that is Himself. In the last two and a half (ish) years, He has taught us both more practical theology than we could possibly imagine. 

I can't help but see the connection of our trials to the Gospel of Christ. It's through Jesus' agony and death on the cross that we were spiritually adopted into his family. Through great His great suffering, He allowed room for the greatest miracle of all, Salvation!

That, my dear friends, is what is all about. There's nothing to add or subtract from it. His sacrifice is sufficient. The lyrics "Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow". It's so much more real to me now than ever.

I'm having quite the difficult time processing all of this. I feel so small and tiny in the grand scheme of this.Now, I am starting to look back over these hard trials and am in awe of what the Lord is doing. He has brought these trials on us so that we can give Him the most glory when all is said and done. And, we cannot help but praise our Father in Heaven.

We do ask for continued prayer as we are in the final stage of our adoption. Adoption is 10% paperwork and 100% spiritual warfare at this point. Pray for the Lord's protection over our hearts and that of our birthmother as well. That she & her family will remain strong in her decision to place Talitha with us. The closer we are to the adoption, the harder the warfare is becoming. There is no doubt in our mind we are the thick of it.

Please also pray for God to be with us as we make decisions regarding "Septum".  With Talitha due in 9 weeks, we are praying for wisdom in when to get it removed.

To God be the Glory!


UPDATE as of April 14, 2012:

We saw the specialist yesterday. Unfortunately, the specialist was not as optimistic as we were hoping. He's concerned there is still a chromosomal issue (details to come). So please be praying that the Lord will rest our hearts & minds in Him. We have a couple of big decisions to make.