Monday, October 31, 2011

A match

The day before we celebrated our 4th anniversary, we got a call from our agent Sue Deckrow. A family had called her stating that they were going to be placing a child for adoption. Sue has known this family for a few years and has worked with them before. They were interested in another couple, yet Sue for whatever reason took our book as well. The family just fell in love with our book (and us as well, I guess).

Sue then called us. We were pretty excited thinking "Oh, this sounds awesome"... I then asked "When is she due?"... "In June". Ever since we've started this adoption process we have been praying for immediate placement. We told Sue all we wanted was a short term placement (a placement is when you actually take custody of the baby). Sue tried four times to either match or place us with a short term or immediate placement. Sue expected us to say no because we had been very clear about what we wanted. She did tell us that she knows this family well.

When my dear sweet husband and I sat down to talk about this, which also involved me dropping a hot potato on my hand, we tried to think of many many reasons why we shouldn't take this match. We prayed a lot. The only reason we could come up with is that we didn't want to wait til June to be placed. We knew that if we were face to face with God, that reason would not fly. God quickly made it obvious that this is what He wants us to pursue. He gave us His peace.

On our 4th anniversary we accepted this match. A few days later we met with the birthgiver and her family. They gave us a couple of pictures of the first ultrasound. They asked us to come to every appointment. They asked me if I wanted to be the birthing coach. And, they were very clear about wanting us both in the delivery room. The last adoption attempt the birthgiver wanted nothing to do with us. She didn't want to meet us, didn't want us at appointments. We had no pictures or communication with her. This has been the opposite in every way possible. Normally, Sue doesn't match people this early on in their pregnancies unless she is confident they will place.

A lot of people have shared their hesitation about us taking such a long match. But, when we took a short match (6 weeks til the due date), it failed. So, the length of time doesn't seem to matter. We either trust God in ALL things or we spend the next 7 - 8 months fearing what will happen. Are we scared? Yes, of course but we are learning to trust Him more.

We are reminded now more than ever why we are adopting. We aren't adopting simply because we want kids. Medically we have been cleared since the end of July to try biologically. We are adopting because we are living out the Redemption Story. He has adopted us first.

We do still have all the money we raised but need to raise some additional funds. We will be starting some fundraising in the next few weeks. We will have some gifts that will be available to buy for Christmas presents. Any money we don't use towards our adoption will go to help someone else adoption.


Saturday, October 22, 2011

In honor of our anniversary

In honor of our 4 year anniversary I thought I would retell the story of how we started dating.

July of 2005 I started attending Lakeside. Robert & I met through our Sunday school class. In November, he asked me out. We went for coffee at Starbucks. To his credit, he did offer to take me to dinner, but I declined and went for coffee instead. Honestly, the only reason I went out with him is because a friend told me to "Keep my options open". In my defense, I hadn't dated anyone in 5 years and was not expecting that to change. I was so inattentive to getting ready for the date that I wore two different tennis shoes. The date was ok. Conversation was easy but I just wasn't interested. After the date he asked for another one and I gave some lame-o excuse as to why I couldn't.

After that we started to become pretty good friends. From time to time I would sense that Robert may still be interested in me. Being the kind & gentle person I was, I said "Hey, we are just friends right?" Apparently, that is like outright rejection. Robert still remained my friend and our friendship continued to grow. At one point I had prayed "Lord, I want to marry my best friend and be surprised by the fact that I've fallen in love with him, but the only guy I'm close friends with is Robert. I don't want to marry him."

Somewhere in the midst of all that I started to fall in love with him although not consciously. I would get a little jealous if I'd see him talking to another girl, little stuff like that. He was always a gentleman, kind, and patient. Only recently we found out that there was a little bit of a conspiracy amongst our friends to get us together. Rachel Crissman to you we owe the final missing piece of the puzzle. You got Robert to spike his hair. Once his hair was off his face, it finally dawned on me that he was really attractive (talk about the scales falling from your eyes). The issue was never our compatibility.

For a solid month I kept dropping hints to Robert that I liked him. None of which he pick up on. Somehow, we ended up going on a non-date together and it was that faithful night we had this conversation.

"Robert, I didn't really give you a fair chance when we went out on that first date."
"Oh, that's ok! I forgive you."
(Darbi thinks to herself 'He is not getting this at all, I need to be more direct').
"Robert... I like you."
Silence fills the car
"I don't object".

We said good night and went home. The next day Robert asked me out (our second attempt at a first date). One year later we were married. When I asked him what "I don't object" meant, he said that he didn't object to dating but wanted to pray about it first. Although the only thing he was able to articulate was "I don't object".

I praise God for an interesting but amazing journey we've had together. We have cried (a lot), laughed, and grown up together. God used us as co-creators of three beautiful souls whose short existence here was a gateway to heaven. We are the opposite of each other, bringing out the best in each other.

We eagerly wait to see where the Lord is taking us next.

Friday, October 14, 2011

I don't have a good title for this post...

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you think to yourself "Wow. What a week!" This has been one of those weeks.

Last Saturday I stumbled upon a great truth in the Bible that I've never seen before. When faced with the challenges of not being able to have children, I feel like I've become best friends with the women in the Bible who have walked this road. Sarah, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth (there are a few others). I was reading Luke 1 which says "In the days of Herod, king of Judea, there was a priest named Zechariah, of the division of Abijah. And he had a wife from the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. And they were both righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the Lord. But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and both were advanced in years."

Two things jump out:
1) Both Zechariah and Elizabeth were righteous before God.
2) Elizabeth was barren.

Wait, what? They were both righteous before God and they were barren. Since the first miscarriage with Peter there has been an indescribable amount of guilt that I had done something wrong. Perhaps I did something to lose the baby, maybe God was angry at me for doing such and so in the past, was I disobedient in some way? When Faith and Eve also passed away, this struggle continued. "Does God hate me? Why does he hate me? I feel so unloved. Is such and so a better, more spiritual person than I am that they are blessed with children and I'm barren?" Drug addicts are having children left and right, I'm not. I have watched many people go through their entire pregnancies and in some cases have had a multiple pregnancies, and then there's me... Still in the same trial. When the adoption placement failed these thoughts were even more prominent.

They were righteous, they were barren. Eurkea! Barreness is a struggle and a trial, but it isn't because God hates me. It is quite the opposite. He is purifying and showing both of us that He is sufficient and faithful when things do not make a lick of sense. And, nothing makes sense right now. From the outside, we must look like we are completely dysfunctional and have a giant bad luck magnet over us. But, truthfully we are learning joy and how to trust God in an incredible way.

Recently we had the opportunity to pursue a potential match. Waiting for the answer is like waiting for a pregnancy test to turn positive, except with a degree of insanity. We found out this morning, after waiting 9 days, they had chosen another couple because they were Methodist and had another child. It makes you wonder if there's something wrong with you, but that isn't thinking on what is true. Evidentally, God picked this Methodist family for this child. We want what God wants for us. Our agent did say that we are her #1 priority in being placed. She's an amazing woman who's heart is of gold.

Without a doubt, this story is so much bigger than just Robert & Darbi. This child that is coming into our lives has such a crazy story being written. A story of God's love for us, His love for adoption, and His love for His people. This isn't just about our child or our adoption. It is about Him.

I won't lie. Things are still a struggle. I hate baby showers more than ever. Being around pregnant women is still difficult (although I'm trying very hard to be). It's so difficult to wait. It's sucks to have an empty nursery. But, as much as I struggle, I have to constantly remind myself that God is still good even my circumstances are crazy.

In 6 days we are celebrating our 4th anniversary. It's been a wild 4 years (half of which has been in this trial) and honestly I wouldn't change it for anything. Robert, you never cease to amaze me.

As always, we covet your prayers and thank God for all of you.