A long overdue update

It has been awhile since our last update. A part of me hates writing this blog because it serves as a reminder of a year that in my flesh I'd rather forget. Only last night I realized that there will always be reminders of this year. Daily it is a fight between what I feel/think with the eyes of my flesh vs. the spirit who sees the faithfulness and greatness of God through this year. Looking back I can see how much God has been my anchor through these months. There was a point where there was no hope, no joy, no peace, just the shell of the woman I once was and death seemed to be the only thing to look forward to.  Everything my hope was in was slowly and painfully stripped away until there was nothing left... except God. He has remained faithful, merciful, amazing despite my lack of trust, faith, hope.

So, with that... There was a good update from the new OB (although I will be transferring to another Dr. come the new year). He said that as long as my test results continue to come back clear, we only have to wait 10-11 months to try again (although we may just wait the full 12 months). If there are any complications from my pregnancy with Eve they would have manifested by that point. He also came up with a game plan for my next pregnancy. It is a three fold approach. As soon as I get pregnant I need to start a progesterone treatment, take folate (which is a huge amount of folic acid as my body doesn't absorb it like it should), and depending on what the Hematologist says tomorrow I will either be on Heparin or baby aspirin. Tomorrow we find out the extent of the results of the blood clotting problem. I also will start taking a B complex vitamin as it will help my body to absorb the folic acid. I didn't want to post this because it is hard to think that a healthy pregnancy or even having children will ever be possible. Tomorrow I will post the Hematologist report.


A dear friend of mine recommended that I listen to this song by Sara Groves "Less Like Scars". This is exactly how I feel especially the line "It's less like a casket, more like a womb".

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

And more like Character