Dealing with grief

Today I was poking around on the internet and came across a great article on dealing with grief (or rather how to help others deal with grief). I will post the link at the bottom but am cutting and pasting a few items that are noteworthy. One of my hopes is that this better explains why miscarrying a child is so difficult and how to help others go through the aftermath. One in four pregnancies end in an early pregnancy miscarriage. I also post this partly because it helps to know that there are others who experience this.

"For many families, the instant you knew you were pregnant, your life changed forever.  Whether you were feeling joy or apprehension, this new baby was an important part of your future.  The feelings you have after the death of a baby can be overwhelming and intense, as the death of a baby at any stage is a very real loss.  You will not only begin a journey of recovering physically, but also emotionally and spiritually....

When a baby dies, so many expectations and hopes were shattered, and now you are finding ways to put the pieces of life back together when some of them don’t fit anymore... 

One misconception is that the shorter the baby’s life, the easier the grief process.  The opposite is true.  Chances are that the person is grieving not only the loss of his or her baby, but their pregnancy or hopes and dreams for the future....  

Avoid giving advice.  There are no rules that define how one should feel or how soon one will return to the norms of daily life.

(Listed under "Friend’s Grief")

I’ve never experienced the loss of a baby.  What am I supposed to do to make my friends feel better?

No matter what you say or do, there is nothing that will make your friends “feel better.”  Fortunately there are some ideas that will help you be a part of their experience and will help them through their grief.

If you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything.  Sometimes just being with them or offering a hug is enough.  It’s all right not to know what to say.  Say, “I’m sorry this happened,” or “This is so awful, I don’t know what to say.” Respond to your friends’ grief just as if any other member of their family had died.  Send flowers, sympathy cards, share special remembrances, and make a phone call, make or bring dinner.  Even though this baby’s life was short, your friends lost their hopes and future too.

It’s been a couple of months.  Why aren’t my friends over the loss of their baby?

The death of a baby is very sad and life altering.  The intense grieving can take up to 24 months, not all of them spent in deep sadness.  The best thing for you to do is help them through their grief.  Ask sincerely, “How are you?” and be ready to listen.  Sometimes parents can verbalize what they need from you, so you will know what you can do or say to comfort them.

Grieving parents may be saddened at certain times of the year or by special events, like birthdays, due date, delivery date, Mother’s or Father’s Day, because they are reminded that their baby is not here.  Your friends need your support and acknowledgment during these days."

Although our path continues to be one of great pain, it is also one of great spiritual growth. We can see now how much God has been our rock and fortress during the past year. Our future continues to look chaotic, but He knows why. He knows that somehow through this, we will bring him the most glory. Psalm 90 is a beautiful psalm that reminds me of the magnitude of who God is. "Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God." He is the God from everlasting to everlasting and the chief purpose (and only purpose) of our lives will be to glorify Him. This is the path He has chosen for us and He will not forsake us. In the darkest parts of our lives, we see His radiant beauty shining.



http://www.nationalshare.org/Grief-Questions.html