First, thank you to all who read this. Your prayers and support through this past year have been amazing. When I think of all of you Paul's words in Phil 1: 3 comes to mind. "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy,because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now".
An update, yesterday we were supposed to have our new OB's appt. to see if this Dr. is the right one for us. There was a miscommunication and they scheduled me for the wrong Dr. My choice was to either wait til Mid-March to see the Dr. I was planning on seeing, or to see another Dr. (who was just as highly recommended to me) on January 31st. Because I need the monthly blood testing, I decided to go with the other Dr. I feel that God is truly leading us to the right Dr. Exactly a year ago on January 31st was the date of my first miscarriage with Peter. At the beginning of January, I was paralyzed with anxiety about this anniversary date.... paralyzed. It felt as though we had just lost Peter all over again. In talking with people about multiple miscarriages, there is always one loss of pregnancy that is harder than the rest. My first miscarriage was emotionally the worst by far. Faith, was more of shock that it happened again and Eve's death brought (and continues to bring) a healing both spiritually & physically that can only be attributed to God's grace.
So, how can we begin through all of this tragedy to have something more? At the recommendation of my dear friend Melanie, I bought the book "One Thousand Gifts - A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are" by Ann Voskamp. To be honest at first, I don't know why I kept reading this book other than the hope it'd get better. The first chapter is heart breaking. She talks about the horrific death of her sister when she was a very young child. It is easier to listen to someone who has experienced grief than it is to listen to someone who has not (especially the loss of a child, which brings a pain that is undescribeable). Ann Voskamp is someone who has lived through grief and had the same questions I've been silently asking myself for the last year.
"When you bury a child - or when you just simply get up every day & live life raw - you murmur the questions soundlessly... Can there be a good God? A God who graces with good gifts when a crib lies empty through long nights, and bugs burrow through coffins? Where is God, really? How can He be good when babies dies, and marriages implode, and dreams blow away, dust in the wind?... Where hides this joy of the Lord, this God who fills the earth with good things, & how do I fully live when life is full of hurt? How do I wake up to joy & grace & beauty & all that is the fullest life when I must stay numb to losses & crushed dreams & all that empties me out?"
Oh! These are the very words of my heart. Her solution? Live a radically thankful life. "As long as thanks is possible, joy is always possible." Her challenge to come up with one thousand things to be thankful for. Instead of dwelling on the things that are bad, we replace it by being thankful for what is good. I'm not doing this book justice by any means. In a few days I will be posting more on the philosophy of one thousand thanks. I would like you all to join me on my journey as I begin to "Live a Radically Thankful Life".
I am writing down 5 things I am thankful for everyday. In 6 months I will have one thousand gifts. They can be anything (mowed grass, an organized closet, or bigger things, whatever). I would like you to also join me in writing down your own set of 5 things a day to be thankful for.
Darbi
REVISION: Ann's website is http://www.aholyexperience.com. Her book is number #13 on hot selling books on Amazon. :)
I have been working through my 1000 blessings for awhile now. I'm not very consistent, and am not doing 5 a day, but I am working on recording some when I think of it. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteI know whenever I am feeling down it is helpful to use the alphabet and name something for each letter that I am thankful for. After I get through a few letters my outlook is normally turned around to more positive.
ReplyDeletePraying for you Darbi, love Sarah
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking the time to share this. Thankfulness is indeed the God prescribed antidote as He gas given us what we can never repay- it cost Him His Son to do it.
ReplyDeleteBeth: what a great idea too! Although the only letter that would trip me up with be x and z. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd, thank you everyone else for your comments. They are such a source of comfort for both of us.