Building a memorial

I wish we were posting something different. Some different news. I would be lying if I told you losing this child wasn't hard. To be honest, I was so excited about having two children so close in age. It has been my dream since I was 7 to have twins, and the one we are adopting and this biological baby would have been very close in age.

I don't even know where to start to be honest. We found out just after Thanksgiving that we were pregnant. We were not trying to get pregnant. We were elated and surprised. I called the Dr., and they started to run some test on me. My hcg was low but increasing. There was the possibility of an Ecoptic pregnancy, a miscarriage, or a viable pregnancy. They scheduled me for an ultrasound. To our surprise we saw a small flickering heartbeat. This was week 5 of our pregnancy. There was no reason to suspect that anything was wrong.

Two days shy of the 10 week mark, I had some light spotting. We were supposed to go to the Bahamas the next day. Not knowing what medical care was there, I called the Dr. to make sure everything was ok given my history. We went in for the ultrasound, and there was the most precious baby. There were two little stub arms and two little stub legs. But this time no heartbeat. The ultrasound tech Sandy did three different types of ultrasounds to make sure. There was no doubt. The baby had died around 8.5 weeks. Sandy knew my history. She took my face into her hands and told me "This isn't your fault." Those are some of the most powerful words when dealing with a miscarriage. Sandy and nurse Kim stayed with me talking with me until Robert got to the office.

Dr. Van Zandt gave me a quick physical check up. Then she said "Come into my office so we can talk." Neither of us have ever been into a Dr.'s personal office. She went on to explain in great detail what our plan of action was going to be. We found out our last Dr's office found some minor things (the blood clotting issue) and decided to stop testing there. This miscarriage was not caused by my blood clotting issues. She talked with us for about a half an hour. She recommended that we postpone our Bahamas vacation (which we did). She also recommended that I have a D&C, so that we could test the baby's DNA in order to rule out some of the causes of this miscarriage. We scheduled the D&C for the next day.

When we went into the hospital many people recognized us from last time, including the woman from registration. The Lord was so gracious in so many ways that day. My dear sweet nurse was Talitha, who took care of me last time (see September 2010). She is a believer and was such an encouragement. She went out and bought me this necklace.

Last time, my anesthesiologist nurse during surgery was Sandy (a different Sandy then the ultrasound tech). She was a believer who prayed with me after surgery. It was such an encouragement for so long after my first D&C. Praise the Lord, she was my anesthesiologist nurse this time too. And, she remembered me. Both Robert & Sandy prayed with me before surgery (and I got Sandy's number so I can keep in touch with her).

Dr. Van Zandt also visited me before surgery. She told me she looked over my file for an hour the previous night and then went on to say that there is new research into what causes recurrent miscarriages. She also visited Robert after surgery.

As of this point, we don't know why we miscarried this baby. We are not naming the baby until we find out what he or she was (which they should be able to tell from the DNA testing). We should have some results in about a month. But there are many many blessings in that the Lord has given us a Dr. who cares so much. She said if they aren't able to find out why I'm miscarrying they will refer me to a specialist who deals specifically with our type of infertility (yes, she used the word infertility). Unlike all the previous miscarriages, we have hope because the Dr. has given us some hope in finding an answer.

Emotionally there are ok days and bad days. If we didn't have this adoption I think we would be back where we were a year ago (which was not a good place). It doesn't take away the grief of losing yet another baby as we are heartbroken but the adoption is a ray of sunshine in the midst of chaos. It is God's way of giving us hope.

This month also marks the 2nd anniversary of our miscarriage with Peter (our first).

We need you now more than ever. Here are ways you can help.
1) Please continue to pray for us through these trials. We can feel your prayers and treasure them.

2) Please continue to encourage us from the word of God because this has been so hard (if we don't respond right away, please know we still treasure your encouragement). 

3) I would like you to tell me how the Lord has used these miscarriages in your own life to teach you something. This is no longer just about us losing another child. This is so much bigger than Robert & I. It would so encouraging to us to hear how the Lord is working through this trial. Please either email me at butterflydarbi@gmail.com, post on Facebook, or post under the comment section here. We are hoping to somehow turn this into a memorial to honor not just this precious baby but our others who have gone before . This is so vitally important to me right now!!!! In a future post I will explain more why memorials are so important.

4) We still need to raise the rest of our funds for the adoption (any help is appreciated at this point as my recovery will be slow).

5) Please pray that we will be able to witness to others and glorify God through this.

Today we also find out the gender of the baby we are adopting. This is an emotional day for us.

With all our love,
Robert & Darbi