One of the things I have been learning this week is how desperately I want to be normal. Even I think that sounds weird. Being normal was something that I was coveting. I wanted to have my health, my naturally bubbly personality back, my mental sharpness, I wanted to act as if my life were back to how it was before the miscarriages. A dear friend told me that "You want to be normal yesterday. You are forgetting that God gives you grace and you need to give yourself grace too." Robert has been telling me the same thing for months. I had another friend tell me that she knows that our lives are on different paths, but she accepted me where I was now and loves me for who I am today! What comforting words that paints a picture of God's compassion!!! God used these dear precious sisters to teach me a very valuable lesson. God loves me where I am at now. I need to give up what I want, in this case to be normal, in order to pursue what He wants. He wants me to be content where I am now and to wait on Him to move me to the next step. I am emotionally & physically where I am at because He wants to teach me that he can sustain me. It is only for a season.
There are many who don't understand why we are struggling (this is not directed at anyone, I promise). God doesn't dismiss our grief but instead He is calling us to work through it with him. We are to flee to Him to be our comforter. Sometimes people think that if you are a christian that you aren't going to suffer through trials. I like to call this the "Jesus Band-aid" syndrome. It is the expectation that someone is sinning when they haven't "gotten over it and moved on with life".
Throughout the Psalms, the writer time and time again cried out to God in his grief. Job suffered greatly. Their grief was not healed instantly, their circumstances didn't change instantly. They struggled through their doubts, fears, grief, heartache, etc. but they struggled through it WITH God, just as we are. To know & feel His presence with us in our sufferings has been such an incredible journey but it is one that is not over by any means. Another friend posted this regarding James 1:2 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trails...' If the trials are to be expected, and seem to come ever so often and with much refining of our souls, shouldn't we think of trials as the "normal" way of life and the seasons of life without trials as "abnormal"?"
Hi Darbi,
ReplyDelete"God loves me where I am at now. I need to give up what I want, in this case to be normal, in order to pursue what He wants."
That's so true. It's awesome that you understand that and have that perspective.
I would add that usually when we want to be normal, what we're really want is to go BACK to the way things were. The reality is, though, things will never be the same as they were.
At first that may sound disheartening, but if we truly believe "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28)" then we can look forward to something better than the old normal.
In fact, I would find it disheartening to go through a terribly hard ordeal only to end up back at the same place I was beforehand, back to normal. So, here's to the new normal. Whatever that is. We never quite know till we get there. That's what part of what makes trials scary. :)
Praying for you often.
- Paul